In my first season post divorce and a very difficult un-fun year of my life, I find myself choosing with intention to date younger men. I
just turned 40 a few days ago. Okay, a few weeks ago. FINE, a few months ago. November 25th.
One of my first dates was with a 30 year old, and most recently, a 32 year old. I have become really clear that this is the season for me to do precisely this. I feel like avoiding any middle age man who dons the "cloak of divorce". I cancelled a first date last week with a very nice man my age who shares my faith but spoke negatively of his ex-wife in our first and very brief phone call to set up the date. I actually lost some sleep over it and phoned him the next day to report my discomfort of the heaviness of the prior call and I cancelled. I feel empathy for men ~ so much pressure to lead and take initiative with women with constant risk of rejection. I can't imagine how scary it is. This man did all the right things to initiate and follow through. He was not the first man to raise the pink and orange flags of trying to bond over demonizing a former spouse. I know from the affair I suffered through that some women fall hook, line and sinker for this method of bonding - but to me wreaks of lack of responsibility taking and is a turn off. My time is so precious to me as is the nature of how I was hurt in my divorce, that I can't be with one who utters a single negative word about his former wife, mother of his children. So I cancelled and went to the SLC temple solo ~ initiatories ~ and paced the spring gardens in silence and contemplation among the tulips.
Furthermore, my children....are having difficulty wrapping their minds and hearts around the concept of a blended family with another man's children. That will likely shift... but for now, 'tis the season to date younger men with no divorce baggage and no kiddos. Sofar nothing remotely serious has transpired, although a few hints at exclusivity happened once after a first date. Flattered but I was not in that place. I'm of the thinking of
"Let's pretend this is not an impossible situation where you would want to combine lives with a woman with five children or where I would want that for you". I want to attend ball games, sleep in the desert, tailgate with takeout, feel like a teen again...without the responsibility of real life for a while... Yes, this is what I want for just a few minutes. I still haven't really REALLY been kissed yet. I'm glad. I guess I am holding out for the right time, man and place. Not really sending any signals... maybe I'm not good at sending signals yet. Note to self...work on sending kissing signals... These men are cute. No, they are stinking handsome and I'm actually really excited that they're finding me. I still got it! Kinda... maybe. Most of them have expressed integrity around dating me.
I think I need a Microderm abrasion, though, to peel off about 18 layers of my face from the stress that I have absorbed the last year so I look like I could pass for their age bracket.
It's been entirely innocent. Lots of flirty texting. I am a writer after all, so I'm enjoying the form of texting communication that accompanies younger men.
I am NOT used to or interested in sexting...this deserves a blog piece all its own... I'm interested in social research on the matter and why people would do this. There also needs to be a phrase for this recreational activity that is something to the effect of "I did not inhale". I'm finding even observing and being on the surprising receiving end of this activity oft used by younger men in direct conflict with my religious and moral values. Younger men definitely trip and push comfort zones and buttons. I flip flop between totally blowing someone off who does this and hanging in there patiently to see if something shifts. I like the unpredictability but at the moment, I'm totally confused.
I just came across this article,
In Praise of Younger Men - O Magazine and felt it deserved some plugging. I could relate to a few things in here.
Ciao!
